I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
