Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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