its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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