respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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