And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
even my farts smell like vagina
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize