i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
