Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
