Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
zippers are such a cool invention
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
