I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
