how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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