I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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