Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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