Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He did a backflip because drugs
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
