it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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