last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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