can u get pink eye on your cock?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
