U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
