I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
