Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
