the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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