Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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