This is not my ceiling
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
