I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
