My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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