Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
