Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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