how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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