what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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