Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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