this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You have to summon your inner elephant
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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