Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
