You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
