So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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