We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
