Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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