i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
