I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if only i could text you this smell
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
