Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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