Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Shitshow foam night was such a success
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
