im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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