just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
