I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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