dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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