i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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