I'm going to jail i love you
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
