My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
