If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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