The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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