I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
