I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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