So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
