I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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