its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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