It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
